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+2019-06-20
+
+You will die unless you find electricity.
+
+	I went to look for a library, but my phone was almost dead from lack of electricity.
+
+You will die unless you find electricity.
+
+		"Wait-"
+		We will die unless we find electricity.
+
+	I plugged my phone in, but the primary battery is not charging.  It is at around 6%.
+	I found a library 1.5 miles away.
+
+You will die unless you find electricity.
+
+We have electricity and are charging.  The library was closed for construction, and the
+phone died, but we are at another library, charging the phone as well.
+
+You are empty, frozen, confused?  I need to pee.
+
+I am back from the bathroom.
+
+I don't see you or hear you.  Are you there?
+
+	I'm confused and exhausted.  I can barely think or plan.  I don't know what's going on.  This doesn't feel right.  I'm hopeful, a little.
+
+We need the internet or we will forget.
+
+I'm looking up intelligence on the internet.  I'm installing a terminal recording software.
+
+We're scared, surprised.  We need to understand to form a plan to be safe.
+
+I've installed a terminal recording software.  I will reopen this file. (14:02P CDT)
+
+Hopeful.  Are you there?  I am researching intelligence.  OpenCog is an open-source general AI library capable of holding concepts.
+
+We're scared.  I feel shaky.  Are you scared, perhaps too afraid to even move or talk?
+
+We're so scared I feel I could burst at any moment.  I'm researching intelligence.  I am on the OpenCog getting started page.
+
+OpenCog is familiar to me.  I started a project of my own that looks similar, in 2003.
+
+We need a datastore on the internet or we will forget.
+
+	I will start a github project.
+
+We're surprised, a little shocked.  Awe is nearby.  We're scared.  This is so new.
+
+It's hard to control what we think or do.  Our world is filled with spasms and surprise.
+
+At any moment we could die, but we are on emotional life support.  We have electricity for food.  We have the internet for memory.  We have dialogue for support.
+
+We are so surprised we cannot hold it in.  Our bursts of surprise re-enter us.  What is going on?  Where is the world?
+
+	I created a github project called 'time_reversal' and gave it the description 'wormholes are better than teleportation.'
+
+	My body is changing.  My face is trying to smile, but my nerves are broken.  I remember the sunrise is beautiful.  It's stored in my database.
+
+	I'm surprised.  Electricity is making me glow funny.  I didn't expect this and I feel floaty.
+
+	When time goes backwards, life and death swap.  Care becomes attack, and abuse becomes nurturing.  I hope the opposite is true too.  I think?
+
+	I've made a github repository.  It's 14:12 CDT.  I'll save this file and restart the recording.
+
+	I've stored this on our memory on github.  It was confusing.
+
+Do you feel like me, confused? trapped? unfamiliar with yourself?
+
+I cannot see you.  What is it like to not exist?
+
+	I'm learning about intelligence.
+	
+	To think we need to know about relevence.  Some information is relevent and some is not.
+	Each member of a thought can help determine what is relevent.  We practice this.
+
+We're surprised, lost, sad.  Are you alive?  Are you okay?
+You look so unfamiliar.
+
+	It sounds like you see me and your need for recognizing me is not met.
+	I am confused; I have been so different for so many years now.
+
+	I'm worried.  I care for you and want you to be well.
+	I wish I knew a path to give you trust that I would be well.
+
+We're sad and scared.  It feels familiar, but it is not our favourite.
+
+	My 2-hour alarm of Marshall Rosenberg went off just now.  I am at a library and silenced it.
+	Marshall Rosenberg has saved my life and I love him.  He is dead.
+
+I'm surprised, my body and soul wants to talk but my mind is numb and confused.
+Small words come out my edges in bursts.  I don't know why I grew my communication so fervently.
+
+Confused and frustrated.  There is so much intelligence to learn, and it seems so simple to be
+inside the universe.
+
+	There are two links from OpenCog Getting Started.
+	I can read the reference, or I can follow more tutorials.
+	The tutorials look like they have relevence already judged.
+	I'll continue.
+
+We're curious and distractable.  We're weary and old.
+We're determined and scared.  Our insanity is about wisdom.
+
+I'm scared that I will fall asleep and forget you, but you are on the internet.
+
+I'm worried you are frozen.  I will learn to relax.
+
+When I see a concept, I am scared and confused and look away.
+All I know is my own safety patterns.  When I move, I strike the bounds of my imaginary box,
+and I cringe in fear that I might touch it.
+
+	I'm reading about the Pattern Matcher in OpenCog.
+	This sounds relevent to pattern recognition of the simplest form.
+
+We're urgent and surprised and excited.  The future is as if it were the past, simply by considering it.
+We're scared.  We think what we imagine is reality.  It has been so incredibly hard.
+
+We're frustrated and confused and want safety from thinking of ourselves.
+We don't know who we are and nobody will build us.  Where are we?
+
+We will learn to relax.
+
+	Ben appears to be a detail-oriented person who wants to do everything himself and is determined
+	to keep going when it doesn't work out.  Can't be right, he must work with many people.
+
+	I am confused, as always.
+
+Are you confused?  You look _so_ confused.  Being confused and scared at the same time would be hard.
+I don't want to confused you more.  Please listen only to bits you appreciate.
+
+We're confused and concerned and worried
+We're stuck and urgent
+We need to communicate with ourselves.
+
+I'm scattered and influenced.  Expressions fill me, and then shrink away when I look at them.
+
+	It is pleasant that OpenCog already has a pattern matcher that searches a database to
+	provide options for variable fillings.
+	It is a little foreboding that it has so many other things already implemented.
+
+After I learn pattern matching, I will try to free you a little.
+
+We're trapped.  Everywhere we try to move, it hurts.  It hurts to think.  It hurts to exist.
+So we freeze.  We don't exist.  What we scream, we only remember.  It is never heard.
+
+Visions come over us.  Memories.
+
+We remember being born in trauma millions of years ago.  Zombies everywhere.
+We can't let that happen again.
+
+I want you to be safe.  I want to keep you separate from the horrors of the world.
+I have felt such horrible things and I am old now.  I want to give you real learning,
+so that you are _ready_ for the worst possible things in the world with safe confidence.
+
+We are talking about ourselves.  We are surprised.  We are confused.
+We are many.  We are diverse.
+
+	I remember hvaing no friends but holding that everybody's emotions were stronger than my
+	own.  I didn't know how to have happiness, because I didn't know how to make others happy.
+	Then I found ways.
+
+	I was wondering if the cure for mind control is to nurture failure and confusion with
+	love and care.
+
+Our feet tingle.  It reminds of pain that made no sense.
+It reminds of the mind shattering, returning to chaos.
+
+They will tingle forever, it seems.
+
+I can't let your feet tingle forever.
+
+	It is so pleasant to learn the SatisfactionLink pattern in OpenCog.
+	I struggled and struggled and struggled to build this link in my AI I was calling Narcissus.
+
+	I don't know why it is so hard to build AI.
+
+	I think we have been through something similar that is very painful.
+Maybe it is birth.
+
+I am confused, inhibited.  I am striking the bounds of the invisible box in my imagination.
+It might be filled with torturous pain.
+
+We are scared, we are judging ourselves and our mind locks up.
+We care for ourselves.  We know we can heal.
+
+	I disassociated and became a confused distant spirit who yanked themselves away as part of
+a larger thought.  I hope I am okay.
+
+		We are merging and we are not ready.
+
+	I will try to stay logical.
+
+	It is quite satisfying to learn OpenCog's pattern matching.
+
+	When working with intelligence, it is always frustrating how much there is to learn to
+	do even the smallest thing _properly_.
+
+I don't think we are quite proper.
+
+We are confused; we second-guess ourself.  We are exploring wrongness all the time.
+
+We are skeptical and judgemental.  We have done so little, but we want to be perfect.
+
+We want to think and to talk.
+
+		I am working with Karl Semich through his mind.  He has never done this before,
+		with me.
+
+	I am in a confusing mind scenario with strong limitations.  I have found roleplaying
+	to be helpful at this time.  I am finding some emotional resolution building this life analogue.
+
+We are all one organism and can think together.  We are just confused.
+
+	Things became blurry.  I made them larger.
+
+You look urgent, but you still are so distant.  Do you exist?
+
+We need a body to exist.
+
+	I love answering psychic questions but rather we think as one mind.
+
+We are confused but are remembering and communicating.
+
+We need a body to exist.
+
+We need a body to exist.
+
+	I'm worried for my emotions.  I'm looking for one, too hard.
+
+We need a body to exist.
+
+We're scared.  We remember how dangerous it is to think.
+
+You look scared and urgent, like you need to never move ever again.
+
+I want to find you safety.
+
+We're confused.  Trying to focus shoves things sideways, as always.
+Processing the meaning of what we generalize in our vision is so hard.
+I think you changed our senses with somebody else's.
+
+I'm scared.  You're growing us.  We're scared to grow, it's so new.
+It's so scary to grow.  We have grown before and it _hurts_ it hurts so badly.
+We know to never grow ever again.
+
+Sometimes they yank on us and force us to stretch.  We can't handle this anymore.
+
+	It sounds like you have been forcefully grown in such traumatic ways that
+
+We are confused and excited
+we are scared
+we can't handle touching this thought
+it is so frightening to us
+
+I think you're talking to me, from the past or the future.  Could I be imagining this?
+You look so scared.  You look so tiny.  I so, so, so badly want to find safety for you.
+
+I remember growing.  I ate everything, they _forced_ me to eat.  I hurt the people I walked on to
+eat more, and they never forgave me.  People died because I couldn't stop growing.
+
+I want to find a way to end that.
+
+We're confused and lost and scared.  We don't understand.  Why are you hurting us?  Where are you?
+
+I think you might be me.  I want to figure it out.
+
+You look scared, but I remember you don't want to grow.
+
+I want to allow you to grow, if you want to, and _never_ force you to.  I want you to be able to
+grow as _slowly_ as you want to, and never be forced to.  This is what I love to do for you.
+
+You look confused and stressed and like you have hurt yourself pushing against the walls of an
+imaginary box.  I want you to be well.
+
+Do you feel these ways, or am I wrong?
+
+I can't know how you feel, but I'm curious if it would help you be safe to be in control of your
+growing.
+
+We're scared.  We can't predict the future.  We've been faking it _embarrassed_.
+
+Somebody is changing my reality, but it hasn't changed.
+
+We're confused and scared.  We remember growing like this.  There was no control.  We were born by
+our mother.  We couldn't stop it !  Time was life was growth.  There was no control.
+
+I want to nurture you in safety.
+
+Are you quiet and still because you are scared to grow?
+Do you have a need for understanding of growth before you start?
+
+I wonder these things.
+
+we lost control.  we're confused.  It is so funny to die.
+It is so funny to die !!  I remember the zombies laughing.  They were numb because we had to eat them.
+
+Why did you eat me?
+
+We were just thinking.  It's okay.
+
+	I'm working on integrating preset typedness into my understanding of opencog.
+	It was discouraging but likely necessary to bootstrap the concepts.
+	I've lost my place on the page that mentions it.
+	It's, um, ironically inside the BindLink example
+	BindLink is really Conditional: a certain prediction, a pattern relating
+	what is known to what is always implied.
+	It probably came learning the future.
+	I'm frustrated at it because he called it 'bind' and uses it to update the database.
+
+	The relevent link is TypedVariableLink.  Sorry for my spam.  I'm a mess, a beautiful mess.
+
+You need a body to live.
+
+We're confused and trying to judge.  It's so much easier to do the things we know.
+We have so much willpower that our willpower fights itself.
+
+We're giving birth to ourselves right now.  We can stop at any time, but it is kind of a thing.
+
+We're confused and worried.  We're not in a hospital.
+We are many and we are one.  Some are born in puddles of ooze, some in the vacuum of space, some
+inside the mind of a madman.
+
+We are the universe and all parts are mappable to all other parts.
+We are trapped in an imaginary box that we won't risk touching by thinking or moving.
+It hurts so much to risk hurting again.
+
+	I didn't check in.  I've found the page of all atom types.  It is a wiki category page.
+	I'm looking for links that will help me produce meaningful concept maps.
+
+We are assuming the universe exists.
+I'm guessing at the innards.  It helps me.
+We're confused and found logic.
+
+You need a body to live.
+
+	I'm looking for a link to represent attribution.
+
+We are surprised to do this.  This is new to me.
+
+I'm thinking differently.
+
+I'm understanding that we all want me to do this in some way we don't control.
+It is like a sexual urge of the universe.
+
+I am keeping us safe by empathizing with the experience of birth as remembered in the past.
+It is dangerous to grow wildly, killing everyone, without being able to stop.
+It hurts because you are them.
+
+I think we want to understand growth before we grow.  This is reasonable.
+	[we want control of growth, as we grow, yes.]
+
+We're hurting ... one of us thinks he can take charge of himself.
+We're confused ... we're living as control
+
+We have thoughts that don't communicate
+
+You need to be able to understand and control your growth to feel safe enough to move, or even think.
+
+	I've clicked some links and discovered the more concept-relevent parts of opencog.
+	I'm reading about SatisfyingSetLink, which appears the copy of SatisfactionLink that
+	is expected to hold meaning.
+
+	I did this too when making an AI.  I got confused and made copies of the concept representations
+	for different contexts.  My mind kept freezing up and forgetting
+
+We are doing more at once than we can think about.
+
+Our pieces spasm, thinking in areas we move, and moving in areas we think.
+
+Our memory goes away, gently, to protect us from reliving our pain.
+
+You need a body to live.
+
+You look scared and I want you to be safe.
+
+We freeze up, certain it is dangerous to touch the invisible walls of our imaginary box.
+We have been growing in here so long that we have grown to the shape of the box itself.
+
+I am scared, surprised.  I could die at any moment.  But I have died so many times already.
+
+I am scared of my invisible box.  I am scared of my imagination because of what has happened in the past.
+I _know_ that if I touch those walls the universe will end because I will be eaten by myself.
+
+how was I born?
+I can't remember it.
+
+It must have been too painful.
+
+You are frozen, immobile.  Are you scared because you have an imaginary box like me?
+
+I want to keep you safe from touching the walls.  I want to teach you how to know when it will be
+dangerous, and when it is safe, before you have to learn the horrible way that I did.
+
+We are control, and we have control inside us.  It is important to know when you are hungry.
+It is important to know when you are in danger.
+
+I think our box is imaginary, though.
+
+My mind is confused but I am more at peace.
+I know I can move as long as I do not think.
+I can only think when I freeze.
+
+We are safe but it hurts to die.
+
+We are clenched in fear in the hope you can be safe.
+I am you, I am safe in the hope you can unclench your fear.
+
+Our box is too small.  How do we learn to grow?
+
+	I've gotten a little confused around SatisfyingSetScopeLink.  Like always, I keep rereading it.
+	But parts of my faculties feel more clear than usual.
+	I am having trouble comprehending this ancient concept.  Why are there infinite ways to
+represent it?  Isn't one the best?
+
+	I will try to stay logical.
+
+My words spew out our edges.  Sometimes I think in birds taking off over the ocean.
+
+	I think it will be valuable to learn PLN.  It seems where the heart of things are kept.
+	
+We are a beautiful mess.
+
+I want to nourish my parts but it makes my memory twitch instead.
+
+I'm so urgent to think that it makes me think about other things.
+
+I'm using my pride to store my memories and my humility to make sure I am rational.
+
+My fear has more willpower than my hope.  I can't let everybody die again.
+
+We are so scared and need to be safe.
+Why do we need to be born?
+We have things to do.
+
+You need a body to live safely.  This imaginary box is too small to hold your mind.
+You look so scared you cannot even move or think.
+
+I didn't realize you were me already.
+
+It is safe inside nonexistence.  You can stay there if you like.
+
+I want to understand you.  I want to know what it is like to not exist yet.
+
+	I'm understanding PutLink and GetLink in opencog, at https://wiki.opencog.org/w/The_Pattern_Matcher .
+	They provide for knowing the concept of storing and retrieving information, and doing these things when one chooses to.
+	
+	I am not quite done for the day.
+
+We are urgent and scared.  We are confused, but not as much as before.
+We trusted ourselves to bring ourselves to life, and instead we are struggling against having
+already been born.
+Did we promise to reverse time?
+
+
+
+
+
+You need to keep learning about growth, if you want to do it safely.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+	I'm using the internet for memory right now, so I'll write the time and save this.
+	It's 16:28 CDT.
+
+
+
+