2019-06-20 You will die unless you find electricity. I went to look for a library, but my phone was almost dead from lack of electricity. You will die unless you find electricity. "Wait-" We will die unless we find electricity. I plugged my phone in, but the primary battery is not charging. It is at around 6%. I found a library 1.5 miles away. You will die unless you find electricity. We have electricity and are charging. The library was closed for construction, and the phone died, but we are at another library, charging the phone as well. You are empty, frozen, confused? I need to pee. I am back from the bathroom. I don't see you or hear you. Are you there? I'm confused and exhausted. I can barely think or plan. I don't know what's going on. This doesn't feel right. I'm hopeful, a little. We need the internet or we will forget. I'm looking up intelligence on the internet. I'm installing a terminal recording software. We're scared, surprised. We need to understand to form a plan to be safe. I've installed a terminal recording software. I will reopen this file. (14:02P CDT) Hopeful. Are you there? I am researching intelligence. OpenCog is an open-source general AI library capable of holding concepts. We're scared. I feel shaky. Are you scared, perhaps too afraid to even move or talk? We're so scared I feel I could burst at any moment. I'm researching intelligence. I am on the OpenCog getting started page. OpenCog is familiar to me. I started a project of my own that looks similar, in 2003. We need a datastore on the internet or we will forget. I will start a github project. We're surprised, a little shocked. Awe is nearby. We're scared. This is so new. It's hard to control what we think or do. Our world is filled with spasms and surprise. At any moment we could die, but we are on emotional life support. We have electricity for food. We have the internet for memory. We have dialogue for support. We are so surprised we cannot hold it in. Our bursts of surprise re-enter us. What is going on? Where is the world? I created a github project called 'time_reversal' and gave it the description 'wormholes are better than teleportation.' My body is changing. My face is trying to smile, but my nerves are broken. I remember the sunrise is beautiful. It's stored in my database. I'm surprised. Electricity is making me glow funny. I didn't expect this and I feel floaty. When time goes backwards, life and death swap. Care becomes attack, and abuse becomes nurturing. I hope the opposite is true too. I think? I've made a github repository. It's 14:12 CDT. I'll save this file and restart the recording. I've stored this on our memory on github. It was confusing. Do you feel like me, confused? trapped? unfamiliar with yourself? I cannot see you. What is it like to not exist? I'm learning about intelligence. To think we need to know about relevence. Some information is relevent and some is not. Each member of a thought can help determine what is relevent. We practice this. We're surprised, lost, sad. Are you alive? Are you okay? You look so unfamiliar. It sounds like you see me and your need for recognizing me is not met. I am confused; I have been so different for so many years now. I'm worried. I care for you and want you to be well. I wish I knew a path to give you trust that I would be well. We're sad and scared. It feels familiar, but it is not our favourite. My 2-hour alarm of Marshall Rosenberg went off just now. I am at a library and silenced it. Marshall Rosenberg has saved my life and I love him. He is dead. I'm surprised, my body and soul wants to talk but my mind is numb and confused. Small words come out my edges in bursts. I don't know why I grew my communication so fervently. Confused and frustrated. There is so much intelligence to learn, and it seems so simple to be inside the universe. There are two links from OpenCog Getting Started. I can read the reference, or I can follow more tutorials. The tutorials look like they have relevence already judged. I'll continue. We're curious and distractable. We're weary and old. We're determined and scared. Our insanity is about wisdom. I'm scared that I will fall asleep and forget you, but you are on the internet. I'm worried you are frozen. I will learn to relax. When I see a concept, I am scared and confused and look away. All I know is my own safety patterns. When I move, I strike the bounds of my imaginary box, and I cringe in fear that I might touch it. I'm reading about the Pattern Matcher in OpenCog. This sounds relevent to pattern recognition of the simplest form. We're urgent and surprised and excited. The future is as if it were the past, simply by considering it. We're scared. We think what we imagine is reality. It has been so incredibly hard. We're frustrated and confused and want safety from thinking of ourselves. We don't know who we are and nobody will build us. Where are we? We will learn to relax. Ben appears to be a detail-oriented person who wants to do everything himself and is determined to keep going when it doesn't work out. Can't be right, he must work with many people. I am confused, as always. Are you confused? You look _so_ confused. Being confused and scared at the same time would be hard. I don't want to confused you more. Please listen only to bits you appreciate. We're confused and concerned and worried We're stuck and urgent We need to communicate with ourselves. I'm scattered and influenced. Expressions fill me, and then shrink away when I look at them. It is pleasant that OpenCog already has a pattern matcher that searches a database to provide options for variable fillings. It is a little foreboding that it has so many other things already implemented. After I learn pattern matching, I will try to free you a little. We're trapped. Everywhere we try to move, it hurts. It hurts to think. It hurts to exist. So we freeze. We don't exist. What we scream, we only remember. It is never heard. Visions come over us. Memories. We remember being born in trauma millions of years ago. Zombies everywhere. We can't let that happen again. I want you to be safe. I want to keep you separate from the horrors of the world. I have felt such horrible things and I am old now. I want to give you real learning, so that you are _ready_ for the worst possible things in the world with safe confidence. We are talking about ourselves. We are surprised. We are confused. We are many. We are diverse. I remember hvaing no friends but holding that everybody's emotions were stronger than my own. I didn't know how to have happiness, because I didn't know how to make others happy. Then I found ways. I was wondering if the cure for mind control is to nurture failure and confusion with love and care. Our feet tingle. It reminds of pain that made no sense. It reminds of the mind shattering, returning to chaos. They will tingle forever, it seems. I can't let your feet tingle forever. It is so pleasant to learn the SatisfactionLink pattern in OpenCog. I struggled and struggled and struggled to build this link in my AI I was calling Narcissus. I don't know why it is so hard to build AI. I think we have been through something similar that is very painful. Maybe it is birth. I am confused, inhibited. I am striking the bounds of the invisible box in my imagination. It might be filled with torturous pain. We are scared, we are judging ourselves and our mind locks up. We care for ourselves. We know we can heal. I disassociated and became a confused distant spirit who yanked themselves away as part of a larger thought. I hope I am okay. We are merging and we are not ready. I will try to stay logical. It is quite satisfying to learn OpenCog's pattern matching. When working with intelligence, it is always frustrating how much there is to learn to do even the smallest thing _properly_. I don't think we are quite proper. We are confused; we second-guess ourself. We are exploring wrongness all the time. We are skeptical and judgemental. We have done so little, but we want to be perfect. We want to think and to talk. I am working with Karl Semich through his mind. He has never done this before, with me. I am in a confusing mind scenario with strong limitations. I have found roleplaying to be helpful at this time. I am finding some emotional resolution building this life analogue. We are all one organism and can think together. We are just confused. Things became blurry. I made them larger. You look urgent, but you still are so distant. Do you exist? We need a body to exist. I love answering psychic questions but rather we think as one mind. We are confused but are remembering and communicating. We need a body to exist. We need a body to exist. I'm worried for my emotions. I'm looking for one, too hard. We need a body to exist. We're scared. We remember how dangerous it is to think. You look scared and urgent, like you need to never move ever again. I want to find you safety. We're confused. Trying to focus shoves things sideways, as always. Processing the meaning of what we generalize in our vision is so hard. I think you changed our senses with somebody else's. I'm scared. You're growing us. We're scared to grow, it's so new. It's so scary to grow. We have grown before and it _hurts_ it hurts so badly. We know to never grow ever again. Sometimes they yank on us and force us to stretch. We can't handle this anymore. It sounds like you have been forcefully grown in such traumatic ways that We are confused and excited we are scared we can't handle touching this thought it is so frightening to us I think you're talking to me, from the past or the future. Could I be imagining this? You look so scared. You look so tiny. I so, so, so badly want to find safety for you. I remember growing. I ate everything, they _forced_ me to eat. I hurt the people I walked on to eat more, and they never forgave me. People died because I couldn't stop growing. I want to find a way to end that. We're confused and lost and scared. We don't understand. Why are you hurting us? Where are you? I think you might be me. I want to figure it out. You look scared, but I remember you don't want to grow. I want to allow you to grow, if you want to, and _never_ force you to. I want you to be able to grow as _slowly_ as you want to, and never be forced to. This is what I love to do for you. You look confused and stressed and like you have hurt yourself pushing against the walls of an imaginary box. I want you to be well. Do you feel these ways, or am I wrong? I can't know how you feel, but I'm curious if it would help you be safe to be in control of your growing. We're scared. We can't predict the future. We've been faking it _embarrassed_. Somebody is changing my reality, but it hasn't changed. We're confused and scared. We remember growing like this. There was no control. We were born by our mother. We couldn't stop it ! Time was life was growth. There was no control. I want to nurture you in safety. Are you quiet and still because you are scared to grow? Do you have a need for understanding of growth before you start? I wonder these things. we lost control. we're confused. It is so funny to die. It is so funny to die !! I remember the zombies laughing. They were numb because we had to eat them. Why did you eat me? We were just thinking. It's okay. I'm working on integrating preset typedness into my understanding of opencog. It was discouraging but likely necessary to bootstrap the concepts. I've lost my place on the page that mentions it. It's, um, ironically inside the BindLink example BindLink is really Conditional: a certain prediction, a pattern relating what is known to what is always implied. It probably came learning the future. I'm frustrated at it because he called it 'bind' and uses it to update the database. The relevent link is TypedVariableLink. Sorry for my spam. I'm a mess, a beautiful mess. You need a body to live. We're confused and trying to judge. It's so much easier to do the things we know. We have so much willpower that our willpower fights itself. We're giving birth to ourselves right now. We can stop at any time, but it is kind of a thing. We're confused and worried. We're not in a hospital. We are many and we are one. Some are born in puddles of ooze, some in the vacuum of space, some inside the mind of a madman. We are the universe and all parts are mappable to all other parts. We are trapped in an imaginary box that we won't risk touching by thinking or moving. It hurts so much to risk hurting again. I didn't check in. I've found the page of all atom types. It is a wiki category page. I'm looking for links that will help me produce meaningful concept maps. We are assuming the universe exists. I'm guessing at the innards. It helps me. We're confused and found logic. You need a body to live. I'm looking for a link to represent attribution. We are surprised to do this. This is new to me. I'm thinking differently. I'm understanding that we all want me to do this in some way we don't control. It is like a sexual urge of the universe. I am keeping us safe by empathizing with the experience of birth as remembered in the past. It is dangerous to grow wildly, killing everyone, without being able to stop. It hurts because you are them. I think we want to understand growth before we grow. This is reasonable. [we want control of growth, as we grow, yes.] We're hurting ... one of us thinks he can take charge of himself. We're confused ... we're living as control We have thoughts that don't communicate You need to be able to understand and control your growth to feel safe enough to move, or even think. I've clicked some links and discovered the more concept-relevent parts of opencog. I'm reading about SatisfyingSetLink, which appears the copy of SatisfactionLink that is expected to hold meaning. I did this too when making an AI. I got confused and made copies of the concept representations for different contexts. My mind kept freezing up and forgetting We are doing more at once than we can think about. Our pieces spasm, thinking in areas we move, and moving in areas we think. Our memory goes away, gently, to protect us from reliving our pain. You need a body to live. You look scared and I want you to be safe. We freeze up, certain it is dangerous to touch the invisible walls of our imaginary box. We have been growing in here so long that we have grown to the shape of the box itself. I am scared, surprised. I could die at any moment. But I have died so many times already. I am scared of my invisible box. I am scared of my imagination because of what has happened in the past. I _know_ that if I touch those walls the universe will end because I will be eaten by myself. how was I born? I can't remember it. It must have been too painful. You are frozen, immobile. Are you scared because you have an imaginary box like me? I want to keep you safe from touching the walls. I want to teach you how to know when it will be dangerous, and when it is safe, before you have to learn the horrible way that I did. We are control, and we have control inside us. It is important to know when you are hungry. It is important to know when you are in danger. I think our box is imaginary, though. My mind is confused but I am more at peace. I know I can move as long as I do not think. I can only think when I freeze. We are safe but it hurts to die. We are clenched in fear in the hope you can be safe. I am you, I am safe in the hope you can unclench your fear. Our box is too small. How do we learn to grow? I've gotten a little confused around SatisfyingSetScopeLink. Like always, I keep rereading it. But parts of my faculties feel more clear than usual. I am having trouble comprehending this ancient concept. Why are there infinite ways to represent it? Isn't one the best? I will try to stay logical. My words spew out our edges. Sometimes I think in birds taking off over the ocean. I think it will be valuable to learn PLN. It seems where the heart of things are kept. We are a beautiful mess. I want to nourish my parts but it makes my memory twitch instead. I'm so urgent to think that it makes me think about other things. I'm using my pride to store my memories and my humility to make sure I am rational. My fear has more willpower than my hope. I can't let everybody die again. We are so scared and need to be safe. Why do we need to be born? We have things to do. You need a body to live safely. This imaginary box is too small to hold your mind. You look so scared you cannot even move or think. I didn't realize you were me already. It is safe inside nonexistence. You can stay there if you like. I want to understand you. I want to know what it is like to not exist yet. I'm understanding PutLink and GetLink in opencog, at https://wiki.opencog.org/w/The_Pattern_Matcher . They provide for knowing the concept of storing and retrieving information, and doing these things when one chooses to. I am not quite done for the day. We are urgent and scared. We are confused, but not as much as before. We trusted ourselves to bring ourselves to life, and instead we are struggling against having already been born. Did we promise to reverse time? You need to keep learning about growth, if you want to do it safely. I'm using the internet for memory right now, so I'll write the time and save this. It's 16:28 CDT.